Subjective Love

People put too much emphasis on “love”.

Look at human behaviour. There are people out there who love celebrities to the point they would kill for them, or even die for them.

There are people who fall in love with animated characters, or even inanimate sex dolls – they genuinely love, feel butterflies, feel attachment and happiness beyond happiness.

Then there are people who are in love with partners who abuse them, domestic violence, or even rape: think of stockholm syndrome, think of long term battered wives.

There are people who happen to fall in love with family members (a lot of news articles address it as genetic sexual attraction instead of incest). Its taboo but they do what they can in secret.

Same for paedophiles, a lot of the time they profess to have fallen in love with a minor and they couldn’t help themselves.

The fact that human beings can love such a wide array of beings/things, sometimes even inappropriately, surely means that “love” isn’t a trustworthy yardstick for morality? Love is an emotion, albeit a strong one, but an emotion just as anger, sadness or jealousy. And different people will love differently. But its all down to the individual who is in love. What is motivating this love they have especially when it is inappropriate? How many people rush into relationships thinking it’s true love and it ends in a fantastically explosive divorce?

Perhaps love is a projection of what is (or even what you think is missing) inside of you. Perhaps its not all about chasing butterflies and dopamine, but actually searching deep inside yourself. Establishing your love for yourself. Establishing why you are here. And then determining your next step.

Watch any movie about a couple forced to be alone together to save the world or some rubbish – lo and behold they fall in love. Indeed many of the marriages of our grandparents where they’d hardly known each other prior to marriage, are some of the most loving relationships.

Love is subjective. It’s an arrow that shoots trigger happy and aimlessly. Maybe its about holding tight to your bow until you know yourself. Perhaps its about orientating yourself in the correct direction and correct conditions, knowing fully who you are, what you need to achieve in this life, and who will be the life partner who will enable you to achieve that….and then, and only then, releasing the arrow.

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (2:216)

About psychislam 12 Articles
PsychIslam aims to demonstrate how Islamic teachings taught 1400 years ago via Quran and Hadith hold truths that are being discovered by psychologists today. Read our articles to learn about fascinating parallels between Islam and Psychology that are scientifically supported. Explore a range of topics from miraculous advice about sleep to Prophetic wisdom about anger.

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